Howdy, folks. Here is a piece written by wife, Andrea Valley:
My friend and I are making a stash of diapers. This is our first time so we’ve been at it for a while and I’m happy to report that we’re almost finished creating the most beautiful stack of pocket diapers we’ve ever seen.
The other day, my dad called while we were working on them. ‘I can’t talk right now, because I’m making diapers,’ I told him. ‘Why? Who are you making diapers for?’ See, my dad knows my friend and I have nearly 3 year-olds who haven’t worn diapers for a while now. ‘For babies that aren’t born yet,’ I said.
He chuckled and said, ‘OK, well, when you’re done making diapers for the unborn, give me a call back.’
I realize he may find this whole project a bit silly. I’m not pregnant, and I’ve had two miscarriages in the past year. One was a truly hideous experience complete with a no heart tones scan at 10 weeks, and the other was a ‘Yay! I’m pregnant!- hold on, no I’m not….’ kind of 3 week miscarriage. They were each devastating in their own way at the time and if you have any idea what I’m talking about, my heart goes out to you.
What’s the reason why I am making diapers after two miscarriages and even though I’m not pregnant? There’s the obvious practical reason that once I have a baby there will be zero time to even think about making handcrafted pocket diapers with 12 snaps on the front. But that’s not the only reason. However, most people (myself included until I came out the other side of two miscarriages and started to understand that my concept of reality needed an upgrade) might suggest that it would be wise to wait until I actually get pregnant to start on any kind of project that may include baby things. You know, to be sure that it’s actually going to happen. Especially for someone just about to turn 40. You know, you don’t want to be disappointed (say this word in a whisper) in case it doesn’t eventuate.
After the second miscarriage I hit the bottom, real hard. I remember laying in bed just weeping and thinking, what if I’m broken, what if there isn’t another chance, all the horrible thoughts that just engulfed me. I made a choice in that rock bottom crappy state to find a better way to think. About this and about every other negative thought that threatened to eat me alive. But especially about this.
Everything that was coming into my field of vision kept saying, change your thoughts*. Could it really be that simple? I didn’t believe it. Just…think different thoughts. And feel different from the different thoughts that I’m thinking…really. I did some NLP, had a Maya Abdominal Massage, and started saying a morning incantation. And something big happened. Guess what it was? I realized I am not my negative thoughts. I actually had a moment while I was washing dishes where I noticed the negative thoughts as a tumor-like substance in my mind. As in, a completely foreign thing existing along with me. Freaky, right? Even more bizarre was the following moment when I watched this huge ball of golden light eat the tumor. That kind of thing doesn’t usually happen for me while I do the dishes so I really paid attention.
In each of us there is this amazing power to manifest, to co-create, our reality. That was the shift for me, from ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me (again)’ to ‘I have the power to create anything’. Even a child–even a daughter. I switched my thinking from waiting for external circumstances to align themselves in a manner that was pleasing to me in order to feel good, to choosing to direct my thoughts so that I feel good now.
And I can’t explain in this moment exactly why those two miscarriages happened. There are physical explanations, and more energetic concepts that I throw around when I wonder about it. I do know that she is on her way to me right now. And that’s my new point of focus. Feeling the feeling of her already being here. We already know her name. Joe and I talk about her like she’s already here. We’re clearing out everything we don’t need before our big move to Australia, and I’m not just talking about books we don’t want anymore.
We’re spending time every day getting into the vortex, where the true energy of co-creation is happening all the time. And every morning, I say this to myself, like I mean it:
I now command my subconscious mind to create the perfect pregnancy, to dispel all negativity around that pregnancy, and to birth into my arms the most beautiful, radiant, healthy, living, breathing baby girl, ZM**, in a birth pool, in my home, in Australia, with a midwife and a doula, surrounded by people who love and support me.
Compelling, right? Here’s why I’m making these diapers, now, after two miscarriages, in the middle of a huge family transcontinental move, even though I’m not pregnant: because I know that this baby is already a member of our family. I’m not waiting around until I’m sure that I’m pregnant. I’m drawing that certainty from a place within myself.
*If you’re not sure how changing your thoughts can change everything in your life, check out this lovely lady.
**We’ll reveal the name when she gets here. Until then, we’ll call her ZM.